GIVING THANKS AT THANKSGIVING

Have you ever sat quietly and just thought about what you (not “we” as in family or a couple or a nation, but just you as one individual) have to be thankful for? I mean seriously thankful for? Well, I hadn’t either until very recently and, man, at my age the people, events, things I have for which I am awesomely thankful can certainly add up. Especially if the “add-ins” are simple everyday items we all take for granted. I narrowed it down and then started cutting the things and people that in all likelihood I could live just fine without ever having or known about. Finally, the list became identifiable and, when I finished, it was amazing how many I really am thankful for having in my life and why. But more importantly, it made me acutely aware of why I am thankful and to whom because for most people, there’s always (at least) one person who made an impact large enough or someone that helped influence the outcome enough that whatever the end result, it was life changing.

Due to circumstances that began before I was born, I was blessed to have several mentors and people who cared enough to become involved in circumstances surrounding my life many times before I was able to take care of myself. Some were relatives, some were friends of my family, a few were strangers I befriended and have been lucky enough to have stay in my life even to this day. All were women.

The women who were “in” my life before I was ever born and remained in my life until they left earth were women who were also a part of my mother’s life. Primarily my Grandmother, my sister, one of my mother’s sisters and my mother’s best friend. Of the four, the only one I am still able to see and have a two-way conversation with is my sister. And after reassessing the twists and turns my life path led me during my first 25 years, my older sister by far had the greatest influence. Which, for anyone who knows either of us, that would seem rather an odd thing for me to say. My sister is a quiet, tiny 5-foot, 2-inch munchkin with green eyes who has always detested confrontations and arguing anything for more than about a minute and a half. She has a heart as big as Jupiter, loves babies, can whip up a four-course dinner for 10 people at the drop of a hat, could direct a White House Christmas decoration committee with precision timing in her sleep and teach Michele Obama a short course in diplomacy and charm. My sister is a “prepared planner.” Meaning? Haley Renae Livingston Theodores does very little without advance proper preparation. She also hates — really hates — surprises and does not like situations in which she isn’t in control. Needless to say, especially if you know much about me at all, my sister and I have about as many personality traits alike as a ying and a yang. And did I mention — we are 11 years apart in age? While we may have the same DNA, our brain cells went in totally different directions.

Ironically, were it not for the fact my sister is exactly who she is, I very likely would not be who I am. In fact, were it not for my sister, it is more than a 50-50 bet I wouldn’t “be” at all. During my childhood and into my teens, my sister was the only positive influence I actually listened to. While other pre-teens and teenagers made mistakes or were diverted by friends and enemies alike into destructive behaviors, I had a moral compass literally sitting on my shoulder showing me alternatives and instilling in me that even when times were the darkest, there was always a light on the other side so long as I believed it and persisted in finding it. Most of the time, she was right.

What my sister taught me about going after and having the life you aspire to is what our Grandmother taught her (more so my sister, primarily because of age differences and because B-mama actually raised her as much as our mother did). Lucky for me, we had the “trickle down” method for teaching lessons on how to have a good life going on.

This Thanksgiving I will be grateful for many blessings. Top of the list is a very patient husband and life partner who has a terrific sense of humor and who, after 35 years, is still laughing; two adult children who are remarkable in their own distinctive way, and relatives and friends who care about us. But most of all, I am most grateful for the sister I had growing up and who prepared me to handle the back-handed slaps life wakes us up with on occasion, to forgive but not forget lest we make a similar misstep, for teaching me to remain stubborn about choosing what is right to do when wrong seems easier and to never give up on whatever my definition of a happy life could be.

The world could definitely do with a lot more sisters like mine.



BEST WISHES FOR A HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE!