HAS AMERICA REALLY CHANGED?
In the last couple of weeks I’ve had numerous conversations in private as well with a group of women who get together every so often to blow out cobwebs and let off the built-up steam of internal screaming many women (yes, I’m sure men feel it, too) face month after month. It doesn’t matter what the cause is. The only issue is that the valves need to be opened in order to keep going.
Interestingly enough, the conversations I was privy to were not all about Neanderthals leading states on a reverse trend, but more in tones of WHY? And is this what so many of us followed the yellow brick road to find is our rainbow? While women have done everything by the rules – gone to college; majored in “real” courses for degrees in “real” careers that have an instrumental part in what happens to all of our tomorrows; and delayed marriage or/and children, sometimes for years in order to be ready to take on the world without the overburdening and cumbersome choices most women still have to make – choices about marriage and babies or whether we want either. Ever questioning the “Do I stay home with my baby and halt my fast track to wherever my career will take me? Or do I go head and try to “have it all” while praying an unexpected “speed bump” doesn’t derail the entire train?” Most of the women I heard said pretty much the same thing: when it comes to love and matters of the heart, the heart will win most of the time.
Somewhere back in the mid-60’s women decided it was time for a major cultural change.
They gained ground with more women not only going to college, but furthering their degrees and landing jobs in corporations where they seemingly had more power. Sometimes the power was for real, sometimes the power was little more than acknowledgement that they indeed were on “the board” with a pat on the head and a wink of the eye letting them and everyone else know the “power” they gained was little more than being a token female in a room filled with men.
Women gained on every level, especially in academia, government, and news reporting all across the world. National and international companies all over America and Europe were slowly opening their doors to women who were at least part of making major decisions affecting everything from fashion to running small countries. How did they and the then progressive movement of women’s rights trickle down to the rest of Middle American women?
For one thing, someone planted a slogan that took hold, and the new mantra of the late 70’s and 80’s was WOMEN CAN HAVE IT ALL. Remember the commercial back in those days with a great-looking woman in a skirt and high heels standing by a stove, smiling because she not only “brought home the bacon, but she cooked and served it up, too?” I do. And I remember thinking, “Yeah, sure she did. But I’m betting at the end of her 12-hour day she sure didn’t look like that, unless someone not seen in the background had also cleaned her house and done her family’s laundry!”
Frankly, I still think that. I’m not saying women can’t “have it all.” But if she and whomever she’s involved with don’t work as a team, the odds are pretty slim. Most of the time, it simply doesn’t happen that way for the majority. Not without a lot of pre-planning and luck. I’m within the “tail end” baby boomer generation. For the majority of women in my age category, it became fairly clear from the get-go that we either sacrificed scratching our way to the top tier of whatever we wanted and aimed for our careers, or we made choices most men never think about making. Tradition in America is long and still fiercely strong. Family is paramount to the majority of Americans. Traditional family units or what we more open-minded people view as “traditional” has less importance than the value we place on how the unit functions. From my experience and observance, I have found many of the traditional families formed of “one man – one woman plus children” actually have more difficulties functioning as a unified front willing to battle for each other than non-traditional families with only one adult person in charge (and yes, it does matter if that adult is actually in charge, meaning that is the person who has the power of having the “last word.”) or two people of the same gender willingly sharing equally all matters required to make a family function without dysfunction.
If you doubt what I believe, check out the average divorce rate per state of those within “traditional” families. While it has gone down slightly, the caveat is due to fewer marriages taking place, even when there is a child involved. And when there is a child or children involved and dear old Mom who may have a college degree and a good job, but Dad is not paying his fair share of expenses, life gets really tight really fast when mortgages and car payments and pre-school fees and extra activity fees and child care are now as essential as food and clothing. Even when Dad is paying his fair share, it can still be, and often is, very difficult. Throw in a child with a disability or illness, and life can become a struggle few manage to endure without help and support.
I mention these issues simply because I cannot imagine where we as a nation, still proud and steeped in traditions that only worked for half the population up until 40 years ago, think we’re heading now? I’m not so old I don’t believe in rainbows and miracles. On the other hand, I am definitely old enough to realize sacrifice is essential in 99 percent of all relationships. And about the only time sacrifices aren’t part of the program is when there’s plenty of money in the piggy bank most find solutions for versus personal sacrifice.
When those days become the norm for average, everyday in-the-grind Americans, I will believe women have finally achieved equality.
HOW DOES BEING AS OLD AS DIRT FEEL? ASK JOHN STRAND ON SATURDAY!!
Questions and comments for Soo can be emailed to: sooasheim@aol.com.