You’re never too old to meet your girlfriend’s parents, I guess – even at the age of 52, when a lot of people are more concerned about meeting their child’s (or grandchild’s) significant other.
To call it an ordeal is to wildly overstate the case. After all, if you’re middle-aged and had that much trouble meeting new people, you probably wouldn’t be dating anyway. Still, there’s always that little devil on your shoulder, whispering in your ear, “What if they don’t like you?” Or worse, “What if you make some horrible faux pas?”
I’ve been dating a woman here in Missouri. Karon is in her late 40s and has children and grandchildren of her own, but both her folks are still alive (although long divorced).
She hadn’t seen her dad, who lives a little more than two hours away from her, since December, so she really wanted to see him. I told her I’d accompany her, which thrilled her.
It went swimmingly. Her dad’s a very nice man and I enjoyed meeting him. She had told me enough about him that I figured it would go well, and he and I did seem to hit it off. He felt the same way; at one point, while I was out of the room, he told Karon I was a “keeper.” He’s a minister, and since I managed not to say anything blasphemous or tasteless, or drop an f-bomb, I think I made a pretty good impression.
Mom is next, although I don’t know when that’ll be. From what Karon says, she might be a little tougher nut to crack, but I’m cool with that.
The only thing more daunting than meeting the parents (and this is something younger folks don’t have to worry about) is meeting your new s.o.’s kids. I haven’t done that yet this time – Karon’s three sons all work on oil rigs and live in Wyoming, so it’s a ways off – but I have, in the past, dated women with kids. Those first meetings made me nervous. Kids have little enough power in a normal family structure, but if they have a good mom, they have to know that conflict between the kids and the new boyfriend is going to be a deal-breaker. And older kids, especially if mom and dad’s split was less than amicable, can be at least as protective of their parent as the person’s own parents – often more so. And if your girlfriend’s parents don’t like you, she can blow that off. If her kids don’t like you, there can be problems you can’t even anticipate.
Being the charming fellow that I am – and having never gotten caught doing various unsavory things – I’ve always had pretty good luck with parents. In fact, I’ve often said, and only half-jokingly, that when I was younger I often made a better impression on parents than I did on their daughters (although, to be fair, I didn’t try to neck with the parents). I’ve certainly never had a “Meet the Parents” experience involving lie detectors or anything like that.
It was rocky the first time, though. My first girlfriend was during my senior year in high school. She was Vietnamese and her dad, a former South Vietnam army officer, disliked Americans (which always made me wonder why he didn’t emigrate to France, but then, his daughter was really cute so I didn’t ponder that much). He saw me twice. The first time was when I foolishly got impatient before a date and, rather than waiting in the driveway for her to come outside as was our usual custom, knocked on the door. It opened and there was daddy. She darted in front of him, said, “I’m going now, ‘bye,” and slammed the door. He waited for her to get home and gave her an all-night talking-to, promising dire consequences for us both if we saw each other again.
The second time we met he didn’t know who I was. The family pulled up to the self-service gas station where I worked and he came to the window to pay the bill. Nothing happened.
Still, the relationship only lasted two months. I can’t say for sure whether that was because of her dad (her mom used to cover for us), but he sure didn’t help. I was left with a broken 18-year-old heart and a thing for Asian women that lasted for years.
Still, outside of Mr. Nguyen, I’ve always gotten along with the s.o.’s parents. That included my in-laws, with whom I got along famously even though they couldn’t have been more different than my own parents (especially my father-in-law, who was a nice guy but the world’s oldest living 14-year-old).
Karon and I aren’t planning on getting married, so I’ll never be related to her people, but I figure I’ve at least made a good start in the family department. And assuming we stay together, I’ll probably be like family someday (as she will be with mine, none of whom she’s met yet; that could be a while, given the distance to Minnesota from here). I know that when my sister’s boyfriend died, my family was pretty grief-stricken, because he not only was a very nice guy but he treated her very well. We couldn’t have been fonder of him had they committed the anyway-pointless act of getting married. And this is how pointless it would have been: When Nina dies, she and Gary will share a tombstone. Now that’s commitment.
So anyway, I’ve got a good start on a new family, sort of. If I’m anxious at all, it’s about meeting the kids, but I think when they see us together they’ll be fine with the relationship. Besides, I don’t think they have access to lie detectors.