Young folks don’t think about getting older, they think it ain’t gonna happen, but it does. For them… here’s a glimpse into the future.

Going out is good, coming home is better and you forget names…. But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you and we only like Old Songs, Old movies and enjoy elevator music.

It seems like everybody whispers when they talk to you, you have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear and you notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless and that isn’t cool, cause what used to be freckles are now liver spots on your arms.

A Few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement community in Arizona and our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes and later, finding the car takes 20 minutes.

A typical day: Get up at 5:00 am and join the early morning walk-and-fart Club. There are about 10 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the park all talking at once. After a nimble walk, a lot of the oldsters go to the water exercise class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. Most wear their ‘Ask me about my Grandchildren’ T-shirts, plaid mid-calf shorts, black socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap.

Then… it’s lunch at Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hairnets. All free! Then off to the flea market to find any used Velcro tennis shoes and back home by 2:00 pm. (To get ready for pot lunch dinner). The dinners are very popular because of the large portions. You can take home enough food for the next day’s lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, and packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm we’re home, ready to watch the 6 o’clock news. By 6:30 pm we’re fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it’s time to get up and start a new day all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up a lot of time these days, reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through to the doctor’s phone menu.

Returning home can be a problem, because of the similar names of the resorts… Sun village, Sun Valley, Valley of the Sun, Fountain of the sun Superstition Sunrise, Superstition Gold, Sunrise Gold… it goes on and on. But as they say, old is better than the alternative.

I hope this has helped you look at the life of retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you’re in Arizona.