The last thing I ever thought about was becoming a columnist for a newspaper, but I’m always willing to try something new. I was told the board was open on topics, so here we go:

There’s still a few weeks left of the golfing season, and I have often been asked, “Do you golf?” Well, that depends on what your definition of “golf” is.

My first set of golf clubs came to me by weird circumstances. My father, who repaired cars, was told by a customer that he couldn’t pay the bill and was wondering if he would take a set of golf clubs instead. I was in high school, and Dad asked if I wanted a set, and I said “Of course!”

My first time on the golf course was at Town and Country, roughly where Bluestem is today. My first tee shot was unbelievable – hit the green and rolled within 15 feet of the pin. As we prepared to putt, an elderly gentleman approached and said “First time golfing, son?”

“Yes, sir, it is!” I replied, thinking he was going to compliment me on my tee shot. “How did you know?”

“Well, son, we don’t bring the golf clubs and the cart on the green. The proper golf etiquette is to leave them on the edge of the green and just bring your putter with you.”

Embarrassed, I thanked the gentleman and proceeded to 3-putt for a bogey.

One in a Billion shot!!!

Now I can hit that little white ball hard…it’s just getting it on the right fairway that’s the problem. It’s a 435-yard par 4 with a straight shot to the pin. I took my mighty swing and there it went heading south instead of west. But the great golf gods took pity on me and the ball hit a high wire going across the course, literally riding on the wire for a good 20 feet. When it came down, it bounced on the cart path not once but twice, with the last bounce kicking in towards the green. Bob Harris had just hit a 400-yard tee shot, and yet still got a bogey 5.

Hole in 2!

I have witnesses on this one. Former KFGO alumnus Don Hall and I took a couple of winning listeners on a golf outing and dinner to Rose Creek. My tee shot was pathetic, so I took out the 5 wood for my second shot, which promptly sailed, and I mean sailed, again hitting a cart path and then going into the parking lot. Then there was something I was hoping not to hear. BOOM! It hit a car! Well, we went to the lot to look for it and confess to the damage, and after an extensive search we found it. In the back of a black pickup truck was my ‘Titleist,” and of course the first line out of Don’s mouth was “Play it where it lies, Harris!”

In a final note, I’ve never had a hole-in-one (are you kidding?), but I did witness one. First hole at El Zagal, one of the members of the party in front of us hit a screaming line drive toward the hole, right on line for the pin. It hit 20 feet in front of the green and rolled and rolled and rolled and then dropped into the hole. Big deal – I put a golf ball in the back of a pickup truck once! You don’t see that every day, do ya?

Anybody wanna go golfing?

BH