Kirsten Baesler is the superintendent of public instruction for the state of North Dakota. This is a statewide office, and an elected one. She is a Republican and, at times, a moderate one.

All of these factors made her arrest for committing domestic violence on Feb. 15 a juicy tidbit picked up by media in Bismarck, Fargo, Grand Forks and every other major city in North Dakota. Fair enough. A measure of privacy is lost when you choose to hold statewide office.

Baesler’s then-fiancée, Todd Tschosik, claimed she struck him in the face with large candles in glass jars (think Yankee Candle) during a late night/early morning argument. She countered with a statement saying “an argument escalated to the point where I was concerned for my safety. Unfortunately, this incident was not the first situation where I felt I was at risk. In fact, the problem has been escalating in recent months.”

Turned out there was a history of violence with Tchosik. He was arrested in Orlando, Fla., on July 12, 2014, of domestic violence/battery/dating violence charges stemming from an incident that involved Baesler. Charges were later dropped after Baesler declined to pursue them.

Baesler’s arrest turned into grist for the media opinion mill when it became public. There were a couple of veins of thought. Ultra-conservatives who didn’t like Baesler because she’s an unapologetic advocate of Common Core, the education standards hated by ultra-conservatives, took shots at her. Those of a more left-leaning nature took cracks at her because she’s a Republican and she had personal issues.

I am solidly on the left side of the political ledger, but took a very cautious approach to the story. I said on my KFGO program, and wrote in a blog, that we should all just quiet down and let the process play itself out. Domestic violence, I said, is not a partisan issue. People’s opinions of Kirsten Baesler’s and Todd Tschosik’s relationship, I said, should not be based on political parties, but on what actually happened that night.

Sometimes I get things right.

The charges against Baesler were dismissed late last week because of lack of evidence. In an interview with Forum News Service, Baesler stuck by her story that she was just trying to get out of her fiancée’s home. Tchosik said he didn’t do anything wrong and “I was the victim.”

He said. She said.

The police report indicated a night of drinking, followed by arguing, followed by the throwing of objects and physical contact. And, in the end, none of the witnesses provided much clarity other than agreeing nobody saw any of the thrown objects hit Tschosik, the alleged victim.

There were no winners, if there ever are in domestic violence situations.

If we learned anything from Baesler’s situation it is that domestic ugliness infects even the relationships of the supposed high and mighty. Perhaps that is a good lesson to remember: Domestic violence isn’t the exclusive domain of the poor, the minority population, the uneducated, the hourly workers, the “regular” people. It can contaminate any relationship.

We learned, too, that it’s not pretty. To read Mike Nowatzki’s report for Forum Communications is to be part of that awkward, uncomfortable moment that is part alcohol, part emotion, part fatigue, part violence, part jealousy, part rage and a dozen other things.

We also learned, again, that situations the media try to turn into black-and-white, right-and-wrong, this-is-the-way-it-is arguments rarely are. Humans are involved. Real people. And that means there are nuances and questions and passions involved. Nothing – repeat, nothing – is as simple as the media (myself included) try to make it seem.

Conclusions?

Domestic violence is inexcusable. Period.

When a media report comes out, pump the brakes.

A peek inside a domestic situation is an uncomfortable look at reality, not a partisan argument.

We’ll end with the words Baesler herself wrote shortly after she was charged. They will always be correct:

“The mistake that I made was I thought I could fix the problem, and that it was somehow my fault. But that is not true. What I should have done was to seek help from professionals who could help me to escape an unhealthy relationship. No one wants to admit they aren’t as strong or as capable as they believe they should be. I encourage people who find themselves in this situation to reach out to their pastor, counselor or domestic abuse professional and get the help that they need.”

(Mike McFeely is a talk-show host on 790 KFGO. He can be heard 2-5 p.m. weekdays. Follow him on Twitter @MikeMcFeelyKFGO.)