While I consider the Red River Valley “home,” I know I have mentioned some of the places I’ve lived in my life prior to moving back here in 1982. Places as far away as South America and Alaska and many places in between.

As someone who has experienced what it is like to move to a completely different culture and the necessity to learn the language and the behavior expected of me while living in the society I was in, I do understand it can be very difficult and very confusing. On the other hand, I also know that some things are simply common sense — regardless where a person lives. At the same time, other types of behaviors are dependent upon the setting and people we are surrounded by. Some behaviors are just plain wrong and unacceptable.

I consider it not acceptable behavior to let one’s child and or children run helter-skelter, yelling and making a total nuisance of themselves in the grocery store. Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed this all too often in recent months. No, I don’t expect the grocery store to be a place of silence or hushed voices. And of course, on occasion, a child sitting in a cart is not going to be happy about it and will very likely have a conniption. That’s very likely to happen anywhere. That is not the same as letting two elementary-aged children turn the dairy aisle into a running track.

What is even more befuddling, to me at least, is not seeing an adult claiming these two racers anywhere nearby … until I turned the aisle and tried to pass a coffee clutch of women with carts and even more children standing in the middle of the entry way into another aisle! It made sense why the women in charge of the racers didn’t know what they were doing. But why were five women — all yapping away standing in the way of anyone else wanting to trek down the aisle they were now in? Totally oblivious? Yes, I’d say so. So … I stood waiting for at least one of them to move so I could get by. Did one of them move? No. I finally held my hand out signaling that I’d like to pass and one did move her cart so I could get by. When I found what I needed and rounded the aisle, I glanced back, curious to see if they were all still standing there. Yep, all five were still yapping away and standing in the way of anyone else wanting to pass by them.

I’m sorry. I just don’t get it. I’m betting each and every one of the women standing there would have been offended had the “shoe been on the other foot,” so to speak. Why didn’t they move somewhere they could all gather and yap away all night if they wanted without being in the way of other shoppers? I cannot answer that, except to say I don’t buy into the excuse that these women didn’t understand they were being obnoxious or that the two little boys racing up and down the aisles were loud and disruptive because they happen to be of a different culture.

What bothers me the most about this entire scenario is THIS is the type of behavior and scenario that lends itself to those who want to find reason — any reason — to hold ill feelings and prejudices against anyone from a country different than ours.

It’s called common courtesy. Common sense, in every language and every culture, dictates people move out of the way of others when they are impeding the movement and flow of foot traffic. I don’t care where you are from or what language you speak. And generally speaking, most folks do not allow their children to run amok in grocery stores where they can get hurt by running into other people or their carts.

Here in the F/M area, the academic community in particular, has led the way in trying to educate and inform this mostly all-white, Christian-believing valley that there are many other types of people within the world and we should be open to embracing them and welcoming them into our world. I concur with that mode of thinking and belief.

Some are not as in tune to do that as others. Prejudice toward people, religions and traditions we don’t understand or know much about are within most of us. Yet, when the majority of us meet people from other lands in settings agreeable or non-threatening, our minds tend to be much more open and we find the pre-determined thoughts we may have held don’t hold much water or that we simply were wrong.

On the other hand, when rudeness or simply ignoring obviously bad behavior from children is not reprimanded or at least stopped, this feeds into the mind set of many who prefer to believe the worst of others — and if they are people from other lands with different cultures (obvious due to dress codes and language) that makes it worse times 10.

I admit to having a prejudice. It is for close-minded people who make up their minds about others without ever giving them a chance. I have had that done to me more times than I care to remember. Yet, I also know the impression the women standing in the way at the grocery store made and what several others within earshot who avoided the aisle they were blocking were saying about them.

My question is this: how do we help new immigrants assimilate into our society so that those who hold hostile feelings about them will find little to complain about when they and we are in places we all share — places such as grocery stores and parks and play grounds? Should I have said something to one of the women who may have spoken English such as “perhaps your group could move out of the way so others may pass” or would that have been over the line?

I really don’t know the answer to that. And if anyone else does, I’d like to hear from you.