“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.”

By Henri Nouwen, from Out of Solitude

The realities of life can often leave us breathless. Those that have experienced suffering and grief know how suffocating the darkness can become. It is during those times that a listening ear and a caring shoulder can make all the difference. Sometimes all it takes to bring the light into focus is someone who cares.

The BeFriender Ministry is a program built upon the concept of friends helping friends. It is a national, ecumenical, non-profit organization that provides leadership training and ongoing support for a listening ministry of lay pastoral care in churches, health care settings such as hospitals, assisted living-skilled care facilities, or other such organizations. Since the early 1980s, the program has been facilitating caring and supportive relationships across the nation. Based on a model of mutuality, the program aims to “heal hearts, energize communities, and transform a suffering world.”

CHI Riverview in Fargo is the newest facility to adopt the BeFriender program. Under the supervision of Jenny Rheault, the director of spiritual services, the first BeFrienders are in the process of receiving the training necessary to spread the program throughout Riverview. All applicants are required to complete 20 hours of training and a short internship prior to full program participation. The first BeFrienders at Riverview have all given the program a generous two-year commitment.

CHI Riverview is a retirement community dedicated to meeting the physical, social, and emotional needs of their residents. The Presentation Sisters began Riverview Place in 1987 as a retirement community where seniors could “live full, meaningful lives as they continued in the aging process.” Their dream was to create an environment that nourished body, mind, and spirit. In 1996, Catholic Health Initiatives became the sponsoring organization of CHI Riverview. The organization continues to live the Presentation Sisters dream through their mission “to nurture the healing ministry of the Church by bringing in new life, energy and viability in the 21st century.”

Part of Riverview’s commitment to its residents involves reaching out to additional support systems, such as the BeFriender Ministry. The program is based on a foundation of four pillars:

• God is Present:

BeFrienders are aware that they are in God’s presence when befriending someone and that the time shared is a blessing to both the person befriended and the BeFriender.

• Caring Not Curing:

BeFrienders accept people as they are without telling them how they should be, listen with compassion without giving advice, and allow others to make their own decisions without trying to decide for them.

• Nonjudgmental Presence:

BeFrienders provide a sacred and safe space for someone to talk about their experiences, thoughts, and feelings without being judged or criticized.

• Active Listening:

The value and healing potential of having one’s story heard is profound. BeFrienders actively listen by using communication skills that create an environment of respect and dignity.

Participants in the program invariably feel as if BeFriender relationships are mutually beneficial. It has been said that the best way to get out of one’s own head is to help somebody else. It is while we are trapped within our own stresses and worries that the rest of the world goes by without a second glance. Putting ourselves out there for the good of our friends and neighbors is where the concept of selflessness fully begins to take root within us.

The sentiments of a woman once on the receiving end of a BeFriender relationship perhaps say it best:

“Looking back, I can see that this was the turning point in my life. This BeFriender – a complete stranger- was willing to take time out of her busy schedule to listen patiently over and over again to my woes. The consistency of meeting regularly, the freedom to talk about anything, and the loving acceptance I felt from my BeFriender made all the difference to me. She truly walked with me on my journey of grief by being that valuable listening presence. God bless the BeFriender Ministry and especially my BeFriender. You are truly doing some of God’s greatest work here with hurting people.”

More information about CHI Riverview can be obtained at www.chiriverview.org, while additional information about the BeFriender Ministry program is available at www.befrienderministry.org.