The Perfect Candidate

NONE

I just can’t understand why politicians don’t follow ONE simple rule when they get in office.

Before passing anything (other than gas) say to themselves: “Will this vote or bill help most Americans?” or “Will this make life better for tax payers?”

Now, we all know about those healthy retirement plans politicians get, the health care and all the other perks that go with their offices… but they just won’t give em up, will they? I really think America is ready for the “Perfect” candidate. I am not talking about a perfect person, just an honest person, unselfish and not full of greed.

He or she can even say things like, “I have sinned, I got drunk, I got a divorce, I have done some bad things in my life, but I have learned from them, turned my life around and am ready to serve the people. We can handle that! But it seems like the only people who can run have to be rich or have the special interest people with money to back em up.

Maybe we need a “New” party. We’ve had a Democrat president for awhile and before that a Republican president and we are just getting deeper in debt, deeper in military conflict, taxes ain’t going down and there’s a lot of people out of work. What’s the answer? Elect the RoadRunner for president!

That’s right; I fit right in there… I don’t belong to any party, I got a lot to hide and done a lot of stupid things in my life. When the press asks me “Have you ever….?” “YES. I done it” I’ll say, “I been a bad boy, but IF I am elected I’ll wage a hell of a war on drugs and perverts and terrorists, and people who rob, steal and hurt others.

I’ll build a jail right next to Sheriff Joe’s tent city. You molest a child and you will be pounding rocks seven days a week for the rest of your life. You beat up an old person and you’ll be digging graves for the rock pounders for many years before you’re out.

You smuggle drugs into this country to ruin our children… you get shot, that’s right… deader than a doorknob. We’ll build more jails, cause they will be simple rock walls without pool tables, TV’s and community centers in them… and you won’t like our exercise yard I promise you. There will be NO level 3 sex offenders on the street… since they are “Likely to commit a crime again,” we’ll just keep them locked up.

You want to get into our country… apply, show me how you’re gonna make a living, tell me you like to work and don’t want welfare. The border will be secure. Berlin Wall? If that’s what it takes.

If you are addicted to drugs, we’ll help wean you off them, we have enough drugs in evidence lockers and warehouses to put the Cartel out of business.

And these countries that don’t like Americans… we’ll take our troops out, we can use them here in America on the borders and in the slums. But when we leave… ya better not send a representative to do us harm, cause if you do an act of terrorism in our country… we’ll turn your country into a parking lot.

You want military protection? No problem, we’ll trade protection for oil, we’ll use that oil for reserves because our AMERICAN oil wells will be pumping for us.

Deadbeats who don’t want to work, won’t eat, those who can’t work … we’ll help you, we’ll make Social Security once again “Secure” and Politicians will be paid according to their accomplishments. OK…gotta better idea? I’m looking for a vice president.

Tom “Road” Blair

Website: www.tomroadblair.com

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